Late Nights

I'm lucky if I get to bed before 4am at this point. Right now I feel so isolated. All I do is school work, but I feel as if it amounts to nothing. My body hurts all over from being tired...among other things.
I'm watching Garden State as I do my homework and it's just making me really depressed and feel more isolated. I just want to feel something. I don't have any strong feelings at all except sadness and numbness. I don't even know if those are the right words.
I feel like my life doesn't exist. I feel as if it just moves along and then that's it. As if I'm never really a prominent fixture in anyone's life. I feel meaningless and insignificant. I guess my idea of self-value is so low that people see through it and then place me in that category. Friday night was sweet. I'd never been held before and I long for the feeling again. But, all I can see is that it will never mean as much to him as it did to me. I guess the only reason why I feel so negative about it is because in the past 18 years of my existence, no one has ever given me that much attention. But, I know it's because I was what's around and when I'm drunk, my inhibitions soar through the window.
I just put myself in these situations and I just can't deal with it.
I need to go back to doing my work.